Dialogue at the Dentist

I went in for a dental visit the other day, a scheduled filling for my lower cavity & I was supposed to go back for the upper, since he didnt want to do both at the same time and leave me paralyzed in the face and mouth, thanks doc, much appreciated. I have always had good teeth so the occasional cavity is like so horrible to think about.

"Doc", I say, "I hate hate hate the Novocaine, and the last time it hurt so much. It left me half paralyzed I looked and felt scary, my husband couldnt look at me when I laughed".

"Well...he says, we can try the gas..."

"YES! Do it!"

"Well you will still feel the sensation..."

"TRY it!" I demand.

As he begins to explain how I will feel altered, I interrupt him to tell him i have done recreational drugs so I am ready...

and the nose peace goes on...ahhhh,

"concentrate on your breathhhhhhhh"

"Um, I dont think its working" (waw waw waw waw i begin to hear in my head...for those of you who have done nitrous balloons before:)

"So, how are your kids doing?" he asks

"PAAAH!!!" I start cracking up!

"Well, it must be working... Marylin, maybe we should turn it down..."

"NO, PLEASE!" ( I beg)" this is the highlight of my day, crank it up! It even makes the drill sound funny..."

"Ok, concentrate on your breathing, in thru the nose..."

"Doc, this isnt Lamaze" says the hygienist...

"Right," he mutters, "and here wont dont say the "P" word..."

Time out I signal - "do you mean pussy, or pain?"

LOL LOL - "Oh no, we say pussy here! Just not pain! and where did you get that from?"

Hygienist says- "well we did mention Lamaze!"

"Oh yea..." so he proceeds to drill and fill etc - and I suck in thru my nose as hard as I can to get as much gas as I can while I have it hooked up right to my NOSE! Could life be any better at this moment?

"Ok, am just about done here..."

"WAIT! Doc, can you PLEASE just fill the top one to while I am here-" (I beg)

"well....um.. ok he agrees after looking at my chart and almost not doing it..

(ANYTHING to keep the high going, what a nitrous crackhead!!)

So he prepares me for the top drilling giving me a chance to suck in a lil more gas!

OMG I am in heaven now...

I keep my eyes closed, lay there, and continue to float in nitrous heaven. Hells, I think I am gonna start eating now and laters before bed and not brushing my teeth just to get back in there!!!

Word to the wise, NEVER get Novocaine, but if you must then INSIST on the GAS!! You will LOVE going to the dentist! Trust me! You will LOVE it:)

enough already!

You caught me at a bad moment. I am in one of those moods of just making a complaint list- ya know, getting it off my chest. I will feel much better afterwards and then I can sleep soundly. Sorry, just had to, and hope I can spin it to feel more positive afterwards.

1. went to a great concert on halloween, and a few chicks around me were wearing shoulder bags! How annoying- those things become obstacles for someone who likes to dance. Why wear a shoulder bag to a concert where people squeeze in like sardines to watch a show and want to dance! Damn you ladies, your bags become monsters with claws. And why are they so damn big and strong and just THERE! In my way of dancing like the free bird that I am! So be respectful, use a goddamn wristlet for the night, will ya!

2. my mother, as much as I love this woman, she is completely outta her bird! and when I tell ya, outta her bird, I cant even BEGIN or know where to begin! k-k-krazy. and such a damn good mother and grandmother. Just a bit uh, stunted or "handicapped" as my beefer likes to call it. Woman, I sometimes wonder how I am a product of you. But am grateful I have found ways to see the positive light. Your mind works in a very negative mysterious way, and I now promise to see you with compassion. I feel sorry for the way your mind thinks.

3. Gyms with crappy cardio machines, uch! Get the new up to date models and then call yourself a gym (especially lucille roberts!)

4. when my kid looses his shit and I have to deal, now thats fucking annoying. But I live for those munchkins so I deal with it and it passes. I dont remember life before them!

5. Isagenix- HA, I finally found another person who did not shit well while taking the product. She even went to a naturalist who did some muscle testing on her and she found out it was like poison for her cause the product was doing its job, breaking down fat, however her body was keeping it in! The fat was being encapsulated and remaining in her system as she was unable to flush it. Similar to my experience. Although I now am passing it along thanks to overindulgence of broccoli cabbage and other roughage foods

6. being unable to wake up early sucks. Maybe I could start setting an alarm clock, but also go to bed earlier and get into a habit of going to bed earlier.

7. trying to stick to a healthy eating routine - is hard sometimes! I wouldnt say it sucks cause I do feel better eating well but i sometimes binge or want to eat in a way I know I shouldnt. I give in at times. But now I go to the gym. My body is changing. I am grateful for that. I just need more discipline.

8. I am trying to find a path to take. but I go in and out of this pattern of trying to be focused and then totally losing focus. I cant even tell you what I did yesterday. where does my time go? what am I doing? I think I should stay on the prozac. I would love to find out what it is I was put on this earth to do, other than be a mom, wife, daughter, friend and lazy ass complainer.

9. people that are so affected and jappy - wtf, why do you talk the way you do. And gay guys that talk with more of a twang then japs do. UCH! and some of these jappy girls that have no sense of reality. I guess I can sorta understand the whole no sense of reality thing. I live in a small world, a bubble. Taking my kid to school is what gets me up in the morning. Going to the supermarket is my big "errand" and planning my vacations are my priority. I dont read the paper, barely watch the news- I am no better than they are!

10. being down on myself today doesnt mean i will feel this way tomorrow, so dont worry about me, I will be a new person when I wake up! deep breath! you would think yoga would have made me feel more positive.

11. credit card late fees- for the assholes like myself who forget to pay! and I always pay in full.

And I sign off with a non complaint- an attitude of gratitude to my dear friend who helps me in so many ways..who talks me into a better place when I am feeling down. who puts me in my place when I am wrong. who shows me and teaches me to see things from a different point of view, see people with compassion. Thank you for being my friend and teacher. I loved the meditation we did by the water today. Wish we could have sat there all day just hanging out, talking shop. I am proud of you and I am proud of me. We have come a long way!