entry 39 - PULP Ejection

So I found 2 new things worthy of "blahging" about... Pronounced bloh-ging. First off my delcious and low fat and just plain healthy souffle - well not exacty- that I made. more like a kugel, or a bake, or cake! I used all the pulp ejection from 2 days of juicing with my new Breville juicer model JE95xl which by the way is great!!!- and threw in some beaten eggs, shredded cheddar, panko, seasoning, and smushed it into a square glass dish threw some parm sprinkles on it and added a dusting of corn flake crumb on it- and bam! Baked it, threw some hot sauces on it (goya brand of course) and it was actually really and surprisingly good! note for the future, fully cut bottoms off carrots and anything rooty. in order to avoid any grit that might be thought of as dirt in my teeth. Secondly have you ever heard of "gap"? Like "shes got great gap!" Well recdntly while out with the hubs I noticed lotta skinny skinny girls in tight jeans or leggings. But seriusly skinny legs. Pretty girls I might add. But I noticed how where the top of there thighs were they had a space in between which the light shined thru. ( I dont have that, I think my thighs are close to if not touching up there. I can get that appearance if I grab my inner thighs from behind and pul them back, but meantime I dont have it!) Anyhow, I learned that night that there is a term for that, and you betcha peeps- its called "gap"

http://www.everythingkitchens.com/breville_juice_fountain_juicer.html

sometimes you gotta say "fuck it"

so as it turns out, I had to cancel my trip to see krishna. Bummer. Maybe my kids will feel a little better and I can take off tomorrow. But for now I had to say "fuck it" and stay put for my kids sake. Had to ditch the selfish me and say "I'm here for ya baby" and by that I mean - how the hell can I consciously leave to drive over 3 hours away knowing that both my kids have fever, runny nose and horrible dry cough? So for now, I will suck it up and enjoy the beautiful weather. At least I will go for walks here and hit the gym and work on feeling good myself. I just ask that these little tykes kick this thing rapido so momma can get away for a little and unwind!
UPDATE:
so i go about my day, kids take tylenol, mortin, whatev, parents come over (unannounced) but they gave me the heads up in the am just failed to fucking call before walking in! anywho, kids are laughing, playing outside- coughing but dealin.   Then parents take him for a walk and she goes in for nap, got my live in so my bases are covered. So i go out for a walk with a friend, but a very LONG stay out of the house walk.  Afterall, I was in my head supossed to be away. And POW, the shit blows right up in my face.  We walk to a shopping center far from home (mind you after my mom texts me that son is coughing more "frequently" and gagged and puked (which i have seen before from the crazy cough he pukes phlem) but this time it was food. So now I am getting fuckin play by play texts from nuerotic mom.   She makes me fucking crazy. All drama. And YES, it was my business to be HOME with my sick kids! Which I was for a BIG part of the day. But fuck her for always laying on such guilt. No one told her to stay at my house for so long.  She is just a permanant buzz kill no matter how you look at it! She makes me so angry and often I want to punch her in the face, as does my husband. (and probably everyone that knows her) gosh I feel so bad writing this but its SOOOO TRUE! finally  my friends husband comes pick us up and lemme tell you, i was freaking scared of facing my mom and getting reemed like a fucking teenager (yea, i prob deserve it) but I will be damned if I get that shit in my own house!) thank goodness i saw them driving past me on my way home and avoided the confrontation!

bringing nothing to the table..

its late. my kids are asleep thank god. they both have coughs, BAD. I might have to cancel my trip to kripalu Mass to hear krishna das. I am suppossed to leave in the morning. hubs is away til sunday. I am tired. got nothing to say but PLEASE GOD LET THESE KIDS SLEEP THRU THE NIGHT! amen. ya wanna laugh, watch !yoga ogden

I munch, therefore I am!

Have you ever wanted to blog so badly only to find that your Internet was down? Ugh, well that was me last night. I had pure stream of consciousness flowing thru my mind and no where to put it down. Well of course I could have taken out my journal and scribbled away... but instead I spent 2o minutes or so picking at my toenails with the clippers and the big gigantic scary tool from sephora meant for hang nails- but I use it as my cuticle cutter! anyhow, instead of a beautiful entry, I ended up with mutilated toes, and so close to spring and open toe shoes, stop the madness at once!!! On another note, I have this saying lately -"I munch therefore I am" - but what does that mean? Well I have concluded this: I love to eat!! No matter what I do, I still love to eat... and worst of all I love to eat late night. And I munch munch munch! Last night, after a st. patties day celebration I had 2 slices of cinnamon swirl bread, some peanut butter off my pinkie and a bowl of puffins with almond milk. I wasn't even hungry!! So I decided to embrace my love for food and stop obsessing over my eating and just EAT!! (by the way, did you see the lady online who has a website where people watch her eat. She is 600 lbs and her goal is to reach 1,000lbs! They like to "watch her eat and move and see how her fat jiggles", so she says! Sexy, huh?) One more thing: my son is hugging my leg which is dangling off my bed right now and he is kissing my toes; the mutilated ones!! Last but not least, i crawled into my snugly bed last night only to discover pen marks all over my white pillow shams and sheets, and a bed filled with crumbs from animal crackers and cheerios... k, gota run my leg is being pulled off my body!

entry 33- macarooni looney

last time it was hamataschens now on to macaroons, and boy do I love macaroons! I was at my local market yesterday and saw they had a special counter set up for passover goods! I dove right in to the macaroons, trying all types. Chocolate covered, almond, choc chip, plain choc, coconut, you name it. I ate it. AND tonight i just carb loaded. Had a PB & J for dinner. Am pretty tired and gonna turn in. Went out last night partying a little and had the usual early friday- school drop off then class for my girlie. Made it to the gym but only did 4.75 miles, not making my goal of 5. However I did take a walk with a friend so maybe that added on to my mileage. OH yea and ended up going back one more time to salon this time to get low lights and toner and am looking much less blonde.

entry 32- nosh nosh a hamantash

Sometimes I dont have a title for my entry until after I write it. I usually go in with one intention and totally end up in another direction. But today is just a bunch of mumble jumble. My sudafed has worn off, so I am congested, yet still irritable. My phones been ringing but I been ignoring it. I tend to do that when I get moody or lazy, and I dont even look to see who it is calling. I went to bed late, woke at 3:30 with a coughing attack and was up at 7:15 for the day (mind you its a sunday!) The live in leaves, the husband was away, and I am solo with dos ninos (thats 2 kids for those of you who took anything but spanish in hi- school) and for me it certainly was HIGH school...I digress. Oh yea, had some QT with an old and good friend yesterday, (glad to see she is on her way to doing better) and today took the kids to a purim celebration at the synagogue near my parents. (for those of you non-jews, Midwest hicks and dare I say jew haters, Purim is a celebratory holiday and people dress up and eat triangle shaped cookies called hamantashen - they are really yummy.) Check out what these people did with hamantachens. Anyway, I sway in and out of moods sometimes. Usually when I am tired or not feeling so great I start to get a little low. I can do 1 of two things when this happens. I can stay there and dwell and look for more things to be annoyed about or let things annoy me, or I can try to talk myself into a better feeling place, which I think I will do now. I must start with how blessed I feel (I am ) to have such 2 amazing little kids who I absolutely live for. My life with them is so much better than my life ever was before. If I feel down, I can look to them and right away my spirits are lifted. Sometimes I can just sit and watch them chew food, and I find it amazing. There personalities are like real little people!!! They make me laugh so hard I cry!!! It blows my mind sometimes that these 2 are a product of me:) Oh did I mention I was at the hair salon today getting my roots touched up and these 3 chabads come in dressed up for Purim singing and acting all goofy and one busts out the Torah and starts reading a whole thing- I didnt want to be rude and leave in the middle but I did. Sorry, had to go. On yet another note I have been meeting new people in my new town and am enjoying branching out. I dont quite get why my husband is a little closed to meeting new peeps, but I always make friends and I like having people from different walks of life in my life. And yes, I have been going out - I am currently in a "going out" phase. And my hubs has the stomach bug again. Oh, let me tell you - I think I am getting a little weight obsessed and this must stop at once. I am proud to say I did hit the 121 mark on the scale the day I left for vacation. And being away for 2 weeks fucked me up some bit. I got a few workouts in here and there but I certainly ate shittier than I had been. And a follow up to the parent thing- I managed to get along with mother for the most part. She was on pretty good behavior with me. However, I tried to really avoid getting to deep, to close, or any of that shit, and tried to maintain boundaries. Plus, she was really helpful with the kids. I do feel bad for her cause a lady she used to be friends with told me how my mom alienated herself from people and that they think she is crazy. Well guess I am not the only one!! but I did feel sad for her when I heard that. And today I got a lil dose of that super negative annoying side I cant stand. I even went BACK to the salon to get my hair toned down when she told me how much she hated it and how i looked older and it was too white it looked grey. I guess honesty is best in that case. And then she proceeded to show me her new fake fendi bag she bought while i was a little more concerned about my overly blond cheesy hair that I had to now go back and get fixed...anyway it looks fine! AT least I got to see the funny jews doing purim stuff. As for the weight thing, I have been weighing myself everyday and sometimes twice a day ( i KNOW, SOOO bad!!) I never did that, hells I never owned a damn scale til Isagenix, but now I am due for a cleanse and a colonic. I think I am going to look into some physical and internal spring cleaning. I am bouncing around the 124/125 mark- but I will add I have been exercising regularly. My method has been 500, 50 , 5 which is 500 calories in 50 minutes and 5 miles between running and elliptical. Yesterday I did 8.5 miles total in anticipation of going out for chinese food which actually didnt happen. Tomorrow I plan to take sudafed for this stuffiness and clogged ears, plus maybe do a cleanse day and STICK to IT dam it! And stop beating myself up over these things, c'mon already. Be happy and appreciate all the wonderful things I have. I am blessed. great friends, great family, great life! All that I really want I have. there is room for a few superficial material items I want, but there is nothing at all that I need!!! I can even find things to wear in my wardrobe of "nothing to wear" and I still look good. One big flaw of mine currently is my nail biting. It has hit an all time hi of nastiness! I chew them down to the cuticle, I might even take a pic and post it they are so gross!! I think tonight I am gonna turn in early. I have some sleep to catch up on. need that beauty rest to get rid of my dark circles. Thank you universe for my good heath, my wonderful life, and my earning ability. I decided I want to go back to PT work ( and when I say PT I mean just to make some of my own mula) and have a purpose. Thanks for listening, and goodnight.

Nightwalker/nightbinger

so you already know all about my obsession with food-(its degree varies from time to time) but lately its been peanut butter. I finally finished the last jar in the house. this time it was from Trader Joe's - the Valencia peanuts with roasted flax seeds. So at least I got my fiber and ALA and Omegas right? But how much do you think I got in that last 1/2CUP or more that I ate tonight (which might I add I mixed in creamed honey from Trader Joe's.) I am starting to see a theme here. So either fuck you trader joe, you god damn trader! or thank heavens for Joe the best trader out there!! Hello, time for self control woman. Its one thing to dabble here and there, but another thing to partake on a daily basis. And I so proudly weighed in at 123.8 today. When I first began my Isagenix escapade I was 135 and 5'4 & 1/2 ( i never leave off that half cause you never know when you'll need it) and I managed to finally get down to 123.8 - but ideal would be 118 with a few pound variance of 3-4 lbs. Breaking the 120 will be phenomenal. Can I do it before sunday is my big concern. I am leaving sun morning for a 2 week vacation. I have already been preparing myself mentally for the angst of spending 2 full weeks with my parents (although I will now take this moment to express my gratitude for them and negate the previous statement). They are terrific parents and exceptional grandparents. So with the bad comes good, and vice versa. Mom is high strung anxious and completely fucking crazy at times. Her glass always seems to be half empty, or completely empty, yet she has a terrific life. Dad is a good guy. They are both good people. But as a unit they can be pretty fucking annoying with lack of social etiquette. Moving along... we will be in the tropics, and its my home away from home. One lovely island. I will take this opportunity to appreciate my wonderful life- my awesome husband and super cool and hilarious kids, and all my great loving family and friends. I am very happy and very lucky to have wonderful people in my life. On that note, let me tell you about my second adventurous night walk...takes place on a peninsula. we begin walking (about 7 of us) down a winding dark road which ends at a beach. we chill on the dock and smoke some weed. we take in the beauty of the night, the calm after the storm we had all day. We proceed to walk off the dock taking a moment to forgive someone upon leaving (its usually me I forgive for being so terrible to people at times, and yes, of course I forgive mom for being the way she is). We continue the walk up the beach and we climb the big rock where we all sit. Another toke spot. We watch the lights flicker across the way and are mesmerized by the glow in the sky and the reflection of the lights and the bright moon on the mirror water. The hike continues thru the golf course over hills thru carved out wide trails edged with trees. Moments like these make me stop and say AHHHH! Life is still fun if you make it fun, doesnt matter what age you are!! The night ends by midnight and i get home by 1am... and I bypass the kitchen! Yipee!
Today I made up for the peanut butter from yesterday by running 3 miles and 1 more on the elliptical. But game is ON tomorrow. I got an interview for a gig at ten, laser hair removal at 1 and shrink at 3. Some where in between I gotta get all packed and run my ass off at the gym, until this peanut butter and then some is gone. I leave you with that. I gotta go check on my hubs whos been puking from some bug! all be well

I have been switching between reading the books Detox for women & getting more ING out of life- 2 different books yet I feel a link between the 2. One talks about eating clean and getting the toxins out- eating organic and combining foods properly. No flesh and starch together, eat raw salads first, eat fruit alone, etc. and she is big on veggie juicing...I COULD really benefit from this way of eating. I actually LIKE eating this way and feel great when I do, except one thing: I am too infatuated with food. I SEE peanut butter and I need to eat it. So I weighed in this morning at 124.2 and I was psyched about that!! I served my friends and family bagel brunch and had my veggie juice and some tuna on slices on cucumbers and tomatoes. But I blew it at the birthday party I went to later on when I had pizza and cake. and the cake was so damn good and fudgy. Not regrets except a few!!! the fact that i have less than 2 weeks til i gotta wear a bikini for family vaca!! and I have been exercising like a gym rat. so I have been scaling back literally, physically, and with my food. I also turned down a night out and opted to stay in to read and relax, though i never got around to reading. Point is I was feeling in a "good place" and didnt have the urge or "need" that I sometimes have to go out or party.

Happy new year, a little late!!

like everything that I have let dwindle or ignored in my life this blog has unfortunately become part of that group. So, as I check in to wish you a happy new year (on jan 10th)- a little late but not too late, I am picking up where I left off but feeling a lot more inspired. I actually had a strange experience the other night at a krishna das concert: I cried! Go figure! so I guess I had some emotional release of some sort and I am going to look into this further. Anyhow it got me inspired and as I begin to pursue a path I ask "what IS my path, universe!!" When I figure this out I will let you know. But for now I will tell you this: I am stuck at a weight and I MUST release it. I have a 3 week count down til I am in a bathing suit! Even though last year this time I was heavier I want to feel real slim and sexy as I prance down the beach- ha, I just had am image of "prancing" and it was a horse trotting, no, galloping down the beach. ok, lemme make it a little better, me in a bikini side step skipping down the beach. thats my vision of prancing! and a happy new year to you!