entry 32- nosh nosh a hamantash

Sometimes I dont have a title for my entry until after I write it. I usually go in with one intention and totally end up in another direction. But today is just a bunch of mumble jumble. My sudafed has worn off, so I am congested, yet still irritable. My phones been ringing but I been ignoring it. I tend to do that when I get moody or lazy, and I dont even look to see who it is calling. I went to bed late, woke at 3:30 with a coughing attack and was up at 7:15 for the day (mind you its a sunday!) The live in leaves, the husband was away, and I am solo with dos ninos (thats 2 kids for those of you who took anything but spanish in hi- school) and for me it certainly was HIGH school...I digress. Oh yea, had some QT with an old and good friend yesterday, (glad to see she is on her way to doing better) and today took the kids to a purim celebration at the synagogue near my parents. (for those of you non-jews, Midwest hicks and dare I say jew haters, Purim is a celebratory holiday and people dress up and eat triangle shaped cookies called hamantashen - they are really yummy.) Check out what these people did with hamantachens. Anyway, I sway in and out of moods sometimes. Usually when I am tired or not feeling so great I start to get a little low. I can do 1 of two things when this happens. I can stay there and dwell and look for more things to be annoyed about or let things annoy me, or I can try to talk myself into a better feeling place, which I think I will do now. I must start with how blessed I feel (I am ) to have such 2 amazing little kids who I absolutely live for. My life with them is so much better than my life ever was before. If I feel down, I can look to them and right away my spirits are lifted. Sometimes I can just sit and watch them chew food, and I find it amazing. There personalities are like real little people!!! They make me laugh so hard I cry!!! It blows my mind sometimes that these 2 are a product of me:) Oh did I mention I was at the hair salon today getting my roots touched up and these 3 chabads come in dressed up for Purim singing and acting all goofy and one busts out the Torah and starts reading a whole thing- I didnt want to be rude and leave in the middle but I did. Sorry, had to go. On yet another note I have been meeting new people in my new town and am enjoying branching out. I dont quite get why my husband is a little closed to meeting new peeps, but I always make friends and I like having people from different walks of life in my life. And yes, I have been going out - I am currently in a "going out" phase. And my hubs has the stomach bug again. Oh, let me tell you - I think I am getting a little weight obsessed and this must stop at once. I am proud to say I did hit the 121 mark on the scale the day I left for vacation. And being away for 2 weeks fucked me up some bit. I got a few workouts in here and there but I certainly ate shittier than I had been. And a follow up to the parent thing- I managed to get along with mother for the most part. She was on pretty good behavior with me. However, I tried to really avoid getting to deep, to close, or any of that shit, and tried to maintain boundaries. Plus, she was really helpful with the kids. I do feel bad for her cause a lady she used to be friends with told me how my mom alienated herself from people and that they think she is crazy. Well guess I am not the only one!! but I did feel sad for her when I heard that. And today I got a lil dose of that super negative annoying side I cant stand. I even went BACK to the salon to get my hair toned down when she told me how much she hated it and how i looked older and it was too white it looked grey. I guess honesty is best in that case. And then she proceeded to show me her new fake fendi bag she bought while i was a little more concerned about my overly blond cheesy hair that I had to now go back and get fixed...anyway it looks fine! AT least I got to see the funny jews doing purim stuff. As for the weight thing, I have been weighing myself everyday and sometimes twice a day ( i KNOW, SOOO bad!!) I never did that, hells I never owned a damn scale til Isagenix, but now I am due for a cleanse and a colonic. I think I am going to look into some physical and internal spring cleaning. I am bouncing around the 124/125 mark- but I will add I have been exercising regularly. My method has been 500, 50 , 5 which is 500 calories in 50 minutes and 5 miles between running and elliptical. Yesterday I did 8.5 miles total in anticipation of going out for chinese food which actually didnt happen. Tomorrow I plan to take sudafed for this stuffiness and clogged ears, plus maybe do a cleanse day and STICK to IT dam it! And stop beating myself up over these things, c'mon already. Be happy and appreciate all the wonderful things I have. I am blessed. great friends, great family, great life! All that I really want I have. there is room for a few superficial material items I want, but there is nothing at all that I need!!! I can even find things to wear in my wardrobe of "nothing to wear" and I still look good. One big flaw of mine currently is my nail biting. It has hit an all time hi of nastiness! I chew them down to the cuticle, I might even take a pic and post it they are so gross!! I think tonight I am gonna turn in early. I have some sleep to catch up on. need that beauty rest to get rid of my dark circles. Thank you universe for my good heath, my wonderful life, and my earning ability. I decided I want to go back to PT work ( and when I say PT I mean just to make some of my own mula) and have a purpose. Thanks for listening, and goodnight.