loss of interest

i am not giving up on this blog completely, but i certainly have lost my momentum and my somewhat chipper attitude I had at some points. i dont blame it on the cold wintry months ( although it does have some impact) but i see where i go wrong. the lower i feel the worse i eat. the worse i eat the yuckier i feel. the yuckier i feel the more i realize that i can navigate these feelings. so get back on track you say. stop gorging your face just cause its a "snow" weekend. go back the the green juice and wheatgrass and eating healthy and not combining, and THEN see how you feel. I already know my own answers. so this behavior must stop. i try not to read my previous entries, but one day i will go back to them, as i do with all my writing. one day i go back to the old journal loggin and to my surprise i see how much better things are and how far i have come. but right now i think i might be going thru a little something in my head. overall nothing is wrong. everything is great actually when i take a step back and look at my awesome life filled with good people, love, support, fun, ease, peace, happiness, appreciation, did i mention the most amazing kids!- I can go on. however i still have days or moments of blah. yes, i dont help it by going out partying, smoking pot and whatever else i partake in. and yes, i do try my best to be a great mom, but am such a kid at heart. i try to balance and juggle both worlds, without having to choose one. what i would like for myself is to make time to meditate. set my intentions for the day. make time for alone time. continue my exercising; i found thrill in running. would love to keep it up. actually these past few days have just been pure crap eating, no exercise, crap eating! no wonder i feel like ass. chinese pizza burritos cookies meat pasta chocolate cakes fried food! i managed to cram it all in since thrs and today is monday. therefore this STOPS AT ONCE! and i will stop beating myself up about it. here is the experiment: for the next few days stick to the program. and stick to it!!! eat light and simple, no combining, take my green juices, take my vitamins, be happy, feel happy, look happy, and just feel great again, like when the prozac actually did something! the question is WHY am i doing it? why am i self destructing after all my hard work? is there something that i must explore?