entry 12-ReadyMan-a sexy, green, guy!

His name was Dave. No, maybe it was Mike? Hells, I can't remember so lets just call him Dave. I met him at my cousins wedding, and of course I was invited with OUT a date (cheapskates) -and at the Plaza no less. Anyhow, it was actually the night before at the "rehearsal" where we officially met. I was alone, didn't know any of their friends, and just went with the flow. One of the few rehearsal evenings that we actually PRACTICED walking...oh yea, I think I walked down the aisle with him. Dave was tall dark and handsome, not what I usually went for. He had thick hair (good hair is hard to come by on some guys) and he had beautiful blue eyes. He sounded kinda smooth when he spoke, and well, lets just say he was hot. So we finished up the rehearsing night (the whole group of us) at the Oak Bar in the back of the Plaza hotel. I drank my usual - vodka. No clue what he drank, don't even care! I don't quite remember how the rest of the night transpired except that we ended up back at my place. We seemed to like each other that night. I don't think I even asked him much about himself. I did know when I met him we'd be going home together. Sometimes a girl just knows that upon first sight. Men on the other hand might wish for that, or think that, and more often than not it doesn't end up that way. But when a girl knows shes taking you home (or going home with you) she usually does. That's just how it works. Unless of course the girl is a gross pig, which if the night is long enough and the drinks keep getting poured, even the gross pigs get laid! Where was I, oh yea... Dave. So we fucked. I don't really remember much else about that night. I believe he stayed over. Who remembers, it was so long ago. I do remember being slightly hung over the next day. OK, so the wedding went well...I looked all pretty and the sugar cubes had cute little flowers decorated on them. No expense spared at the Plaza. I do remember not talking with him the whole night of the wedding and getting pretty damn drunk. I danced the night away with my little brother who certainly had rhythm. But it was at the end of the night that Dave lifted me up and carried me out of the Plaza, literally. I am guessing we screwed that night too. Lovely end to a fun weekend. He went back to Boston. Ciao! Little to my surprise he called me sometime after to tell me he was coming back to visit. Yea, I was pretty psyched! Cute guy, studying to be a lawyer, blah blah blah.

He did come visit...and boy was this visit NOT what I expected. First he shows up with flowers- bonus points for him. Then he proceeds to verbally rehash where he spent his money from the airport to arriving to my place (like I give a shit). And throws in "oh yea, and the flowers" as part of his calculating where all his cash went. Ok, so the following day his couple friends came over and we went to lunch, dinner, cant remember. I find out he is a lawyer, get this, aspiring to be a model!! What a fucking joke! A model, just my fucking luck! Minus points for him! He even brought the head shots, UCH! Gag me with a spoon (finger down my throat). It gets worse. That night we are getting ready for bed and I go in to pee, and low and behold on my bathroom counter are those blue eyes! In a lens soaker! That's right, he took out what I thought were beautiful blue eyes, and to my surprise they were LENSES! Goddammit! Faked me out! Double MINUS points. Not that I have anything against brown eyes, hells, I have brown eyes! And they are beautiful. Just keep it real man- MODEL man! Then he has the nerve to open the door of MY bathroom- while I am in there peeing! Hello, I might have had sex with you but we are NOT in a relationship. This is my private time. Maybe I want to have gas while I pee. MINUS point-again. Uch! So I go into my room and hear him flossing every perfect model tooth in his perfect lawyer gone model mouth. I was ready to dump his bag into my hallway- better yet out the window of my 16th floor apartment. But I am nice, so I didn't. Here is the straw that broke the camels back. Morning rolls around (when I woke and looked at him I thought to myself "I hate you"), and then I got up to pee. When I got back into bed I find him nude, hard, and wearing a condom! A green condom no less...triple minus points buddy. I believe we had sex, mentally excruciating sex for me. Afterwards I whipped up some fresh squeezed juice on my new juicer and sent "readyman" on on his merry way back to Boston. Good riddens. I couldn't push him out the door hard enough. I now am at peace with this. A couple of months or years later I get a call from him. "Hey, guess what, I am in New York and on your block" he says. "Oh really? Cool" I respond and neglect to invite him up. Days following this I run into him at the gym. Holly shit, manorexic. Gross! He tells me its his third time there that day. Wow, fucking cool man. You gave up being a lawyer to move to NYC to be a model and you go to the gym 3 times in one day. That's the turn on for me baby! Dave, sorry if you ever read this. You seemed like a nice guy, but come on! Are you out of you freaking mind? If your not then I am! "Readyman" you will always have a place in my heart.